Broken But Never Defeated
by Daniela X. Daraz
Summary: When we feel at our weakest is when we should push ourselves the hardest. Janes's contemplation and Maura's words.


**Mt. Eden Dubstep with rain in the background and this is what you get. Just something I needed to write to unblock myself.**

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Jane had never been one for breaking the law. It just wasn't her, she knew laws kept people safe. Well that was what everyone had led her to believe. Now they just seemed constricting. Imagine how many people's lives she could have saved if there where no guidelines or procedures to follow. How many murderers could have been brought to justice? But instead she had watched so many guilty faces walk free. Her thoughts only brought her back to the reality of standing in front of the shadowed house, rain drenching her wild curls and flowing effortlessly down her leather jacket. She hardly wore it, some how it always made her feel daring, but tonight she needed all the help she could get. The rain was chilly but Jane couldn't feel it. She was numb in so many ways.

Her hands rested in her jacket pockets, her right hand gripped tightly around a solid metal grip. With every thunder roll her grip tightened and her eyes narrowed. The rain fell around her in time to her racing heart but her face was cool and collected never once reflecting her inner turmoil. To anyone around she would have looked dead set on her course of actions, but luckily no one was around. The neighborhood was dimly lit and all the families where safely tucked into their beds, it was the middle of the night, Jane had been hoping for this. Never really making up her mind she slowly withdrew the pistol from her pocket, her grip as tight as ever. It wasn't her BPD assigned one, it would be stupid to use that. Instead this one came from some shady dealer down in South Boston. Wiped clean and untraceable. She itched to look at the black metal but knew she'd loose all nerve.

"It's not worth it. I know you know that." came a soft but forceful voice from not to far behind the leather clad woman. Jane never even flinched, somehow she'd knew that voice would be the one to tell her the words she was denying herself. It always was.

"It's what's fair." Jane replied in a whisper knowing she would still be heard.

"To whom? You? I do not think so, you would become just what you set out to protect the innocent from. Where would be the fairness? Where would be my Knight of Justice?"

Jane swallowed hard as a heated tear fell heavy from her glazed eyes, eyes that never left the house in front of her. Her throat was tight and her jaw was locked, her body shook from suppressed sobs. She finally allowed her eyes to drop to the pistol in her tight grip, the dim light from the street showing her a reflection of herself. A reflection of the broken that could never be fixed. Her heart rate somewhat slowed and she was able to try and even out her breathing.

"Just answer me one thing." Jane forced with a sore voice. "Would I have been able to save you?" Tears fell freely now and hands trembled as she returned her gaze to the dark house where she knew to lay a monster resting. There was silence. The gun fell from her hand with a splash and clink of metal to concrete as it landed in a puddle on the sidewalk. Everything Jane was felt weak; her mind, her body, her soul. When there was no reply Jane knew that wasn't the question she should be asking. What would have her best friend wanted? It sure wasn't Jane going against everything she was, she would have wanted Jane to continue helping the innocent and locking the monsters away, not becoming one herself.

Jane looked up into the rain and the clouds flinching when a droplet would hit too close to her eyes. No, Jane was going to do it the right way. She owed at least that to the memory of Dr. Maura Isles. She would go on to make sure no monsters where left unjustified. No criminal left unprosecuted. Maura Isles had been the definition that everything Jane stood for as a detective. There where no words to describe how but she just was. Even though Maura wasn't here anymore didn't mean she never left, Jane could feel her best friend close to her and it brought a smile to her face for once in almost a month. Maura would drive her on in memory, a reminder of what good was still left in the world, having taught Jane to appreciate so much and protect for so little in return.

"You already have." Came the sweet reply, an echo in the empty street.

Jane closed her eyes and she could see her honey blonde friend smiling at her as she was kneeled down petting her praised tortoise. Even in death, the doctor could never be tainted.


End file.
